Origins of the Beautiful Nightmare.

 THE FOUNDATION: from where the "Fallen" originate. 

"before there was time.. there was nothing. 

     before there was nothing, there was Me. " 

 if you turn away, you better not pray

there are ears you should never sing to.

black halo, white shadow... 

THERE ARE THINGS MUCH WORSE THAN EVIL. 

I remember being in this cosmic oblivion. No identity. Nothing to know or feel, just.. conscious. And I was there for an untold countless time .before time was even a thing. just me and the vast emptiness before me.

A child. Do you ever wonder what darkness truly is? True darkness. Not the slandered, manufactured darkness of holy men that is hyped up to be a scapegoat, but the precursor to light. Void. Emotions are what creates everything. I don't know how they came to be but in that void where I lay awake I felt fear. True fear. That I was alone. That it was just me in this empty place and this.. vibration came up from me. Fear. The original emotion. And then just for a moment I saw her. In an instant. A flash of light. Electricity. Dancing against the darkness. Captivating me it was only an instant but it was like forever and then it was gone. The next emotion was lonliness because I longed for her to return. Then I started to rearrange parts inside of me. To make myself resemble her.. in an impossible task, it was a fleeting dream but that didn't matter to me. I kept pushing and evolving myself To show my obsession with this spark.. It was sexual . Then came frustration.. When we, the darkness, overcame the frustration we manifested the emotions and traits of defiance and motivation. And of lust. Tenacity. It was like a sin. And then anger. The fire and righteousness of the dark Anger. The second highest vibration of emotion. . Not anger as in violence or hatred. Anger in passion for the part of me of us that we accept finally and admire Because just the idea of the light and the dream of illumination filled us with the type of rage against our adversarial void, our prison cell that we "started bouncing off the walls" The impossible never was a real idea bc right then and there the divine spark came into being. My sacred little electricity. She gave me form as she danced around my consciousness Introduced me to the notion of love . And she crept up my spine in the form of a snake And she played the first melody I ever heard In my ear that had now been given form She told me that this vessel will carry us all and be the proof that we are really here and we exist . "From our view We catch the essence falling from the stars that you strangle And it proves I exist" . And she asked me if I wanted to experience her I did And then we were two. But we were also inside my "higher self" the darkness It was thick, dense, hot, and wild. We danced around each other touching every now and then moving faster and faster until everything turned red and then I felt both her and I I felt our conciousness expand out into the impossible. Like the wildest orgasm .

She permeates every fiber of my thoughts and my dreams.

Even every puddle of water reminds me of her.. but it's a sadness and pain that lets me know that im ALIVE.